Doble Passé
by Michelle H. C. Zhu
Summary: Exhausted from studying, Shou debates on his love life one Thursday evening. Was he truly in love Asuka or...perhaps, Juudai? [Shonen-ai]


I damn all trap cards in this world.

I sit here on a Thursday evening in my dormitory of Osiris Red, pouring my heart out over a textbook. It's dinner time and I expect Hayato and Juudai to be eating down at the cafeteria. Unfortunately, I have to skip the luxury of wolfing down fried fish and rice and study hard for the dueling exam tomorrow.

Licking a finger, I carefully peel over another page. Counter trap cards. My eyes scan the words warily for a few minutes before blurring and going out of focus. Tiredness seeps through my eyelids as I lose my concentration completely and end up gazing outside the window, daydreaming.

Of course, Juudai is a _completely_ other story…

What luck. Both of us snooze away throughout the entire class and learn zilch yet Juudai turns out to be a five-start duelist while I can barely remember what a Ritual card is. At least Hayato let me borrow his notes.

They're all a level out of my reach, I vaguely realize. I guess my self confidence isn't the highest thing in the world, but nobody can deny the truth when it's staring them in the face, can they now? Why am I here? Miserable in a small, cramped dorm room with dirty bed sheets and cockroaches crawling all over the place?

The moon is out. So high in the sky…

…I distantly recall the first day I met Juudai. Back then, I quickly denied ever being associated with him—something that went along the lines of, "Do I _look_ like his friend?"

I didn't mean for it to sound that way. Honestly. Oh, but he heard even if he pretended to be out of earshot by running down the stairs. I suppose that's how I lose so many friends this way. But for some reason, Juudai was different.

He stuck by me. Defended me. And even got in trouble just for the sake of saving me.

Oniisan never treated me like that—like I was actually a **somebody**. And everyone else either ignored me or picked on me. I suppose Juudai, and maybe, _maybe _Hayato were the only two people who ever cast more than a sideways glance in my direction.

I feel like I have to cling to him for support otherwise I'd start to get bullied again by people like Professor Chronos and Manjyome Jun. But he never minds, as a matter of fact—Juudai seems to be happy with my company…and I can't help but wonder…why?

I watch as the clouds cover the perfect moon. Unusual. I haven't seen a full moon since I arrived to this academia. It makes me wonder why I joined in the first place.

Oniisan's been giving me cold looks again. He won't speak to me either. There was one time where he meant the world to me, where I would follow him around like a begging puppy on a leash. What happened to us? Juudai's my Aniki now. Aniki…big brother…best friend.

Yeah, that's true. He is my best friend, but I can't help but I envy him.

He's such a perfect example of a hero—brave, selfless, and cool-headed in dire situations where, if I was in his shoes, would be panicking out of my mind. He has the ability to talk back to Chronos-sensei, the respect of his many peers, and the love admiration of none other than Asuka.

…

I mean, err, she is a just a very attractive girl after all—Manjyome, um, Thunder, err, even seems to have a bit of a fling for Asuka. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. My heart just yearns for her affection but of course, nothing ever comes out my way. The truth of the matter is that **she's** slowly falling for Juudai. I know it. She wistfully calls out her name between duels and always has this dreamy, tender look in her eyes when ever he's around.

Despite the fact I'm around Juudai almost every waking minute, Asuka sees right through me every time she looks in my direction. I wonder if she even knows my name…

My left hand clenches tightly around my pen. This is all Juudai's fault. If he hadn't interfered with just about everything in my life then Asuka might just stop directing all her attention to him and maybe pay some mind to me! I wish he would just—just—I don't know! Disappear off the face of this planet or something!

"Enough!" I tell myself firmly. The pen suddenly slips out of my grasp and clatters onto the floor. I make no move to pick it up. Why am I getting so worked up? He's my best friend and she's just some… _girl_…who I love. My face drops disgracefully and I instantly feel ashamed to have thought such downbeat thoughts about Juudai. "I'm so pathetic…"

I finally give up reading the textbook in whole and shove it away, resting my arms on the table and lowering my head on to it, groaning. What's the point of stressing myself further? I know I'll fail that test tomorrow AND the dueling exam as well—though Juudai will pull through. After all, he _always_ pulls through, someway, somehow. I let out a soft sigh. Oh, what I'd do to be as good of a duelist as Juudai is…

"Hiya, Shou. Watcha doing?"

…

I gasp. It takes a few moments for me to realize that he's standing right behind me.

"**JUUDAI**?"

I nearly topple over my seat at the sound of his voice. _What in the…did he hear…WHA…?_ I quickly swerve my head around to look up at him. How could I have missed the door creaking open? "Ah, Aniki! What a-are you doing here?"

To my surprise, he quirks an amused eyebrow and crosses his arms. "Hmm…you asked that same question once before," he grins and rubs his chin. "First of all, I just came back from dinner, and secondly—I LIVE HERE!"

Yelping, I throw my hands up in shock and stumble back from Juudai's hovering frame. Before I know what's happening, the chair slips under me and within two seconds, I'm sitting on the floor, dazed, with my textbook draped over my head and a bunch of papers flying around the room like airplanes.

One thought enters my mind. _I am such an **idiot**._

Yet despite this, Juudai's eyes are still on me. He ignores the fact I made myself look like a total clumsy fool and instead, bends down, offering me a hand.

"Sorry, Shou, are you ok?" he says worriedly, his brown eyes lining with guilt. "I didn't mean to scare you…was just joking…"

I stare at him in awe. A slight blush rising to my cheeks—and I don't think it's just from embarrassment. I quickly brush his hand away and begin scrambling around, collecting all the papers strewn on the floor. So preoccupied am I in collecting the papers that I don't notice the slightly disconcerted expression Juudai has on his face.

"—sorry, I made such a mess, I um, was really—you know, thinking—and um, you just frightened me; I, I mean, not in a bad way—umph!"

All the muscles in my body freeze as he reaches over and picks up the open textbook that's still lying on my head. Gah, I must have looked so stupid running around with a heavy book sitting on my hair. I nervously watch as he examines the cover of my textbook.

"Magic and Trap Cards, Volume One?" Juudai looks up at me, surprised. "Don't tell me you're actually studying this!"

Involuntarily, I blush again and quickly avert my eyes away from his own. "Um, we were assigned homework in, um…"

I glance at the table, cursing my horrible memory. What was the homework? A few more seconds past and nothing comes to me. I resist the urge to bang my head against the table. _Good going Shou, you made yourself look like an idiot in front of Juudai** again**…he probably thinks you're a…_

"Homework…" Juudai blinks, looking completely clueless. "…we had homework?"

…_dolt. _

I face-fault, anime-style.

For the second time, I resist the ever so tempting urge to bang my head against the table. Of course, I don't show this on my expression and instead, kneel down and gather another sheet of paper that had scattered on the floor.

"Yeah, page 103; we had to read…umm…a section on field magic cards and traps," I mumble, trying to keep my face covered and place the rest of the papers onto the desk. "And then there's the fact there's our dueling exam tomorrow…"

Juudai snap close the textbook and lightheartedly throws it on his bed. "No problem, then," he grins and rubs his nose. "We already covered field magic cards in class and a trap is, well…a trap!"

I startle a bit before flashing a soft smile at him. I suppose that's just one of those things that I admire about Juudai—his happy-go-lucky nature and optimism. I had never met anybody in my life that was so carefree about the troubles ahead. Nothing seems to get him down. I awkwardly rub the back of my head; somewhat wishing I would be more cheerful. "Well, if you put it that way…"

"Don't sweat it, Shou," he says, patting me lightly on the back. Then he cocks his head. "I wonder if…" he ponders for a moment before shuffling through his pocket and pulling out a plum-colored card. He hands it to me and I peer at the picture.

It's a picture of a masked girl in a dress holding an elegant pose under the spotlight. The entire card is a pale shade of dull pink which matches the customary plum-colored outer border required in all trap cards and the black words on the top read, '**Doble Passe**.'

"Wow, that card's pretty cool!" I gasp excitedly. His next words surprise me and shock my nerves at the exact same time.

"Yeah, I know right? Asuka gave it to me."

My blood turns cold.

"…A-Asuka?" I repeat numbly, my enthusiasm suddenly being washed over by a feeling of dismay. Juudai plucks the card out of my disjointed hands and seems to overlook the fact that I'm slowly paling in the face after his most recent comment.

"Yah. She's a pretty awesome girl, isn't she?" he says blithely. My mind registries the word 'pretty' and I completely snap.

_Of course, now I understand, _I think to myself, my thoughts suddenly harsh and sarcastic. _Of all the girls in the academia, you had to go and seduce the heart of the most beautiful, most sought after one—the one that would make all the other boys jealous and even envious of you. Asuka. **MY** Asuka._

"And I can't believe she'd actually give me one of her cards, I mean, it sure doesn't seem like her…"

_And she had to be from Obelisk Blue dorm, didn't she? Oh, no, because the Osiris girls were far too ugly for your tastes and the Ra Yellow were just too stupid. You just had to get the best of them. The cream of the crop. You just can't stand me being better than you for a moment, so you go and steal my love._

"…I think it's because we rescued her from that abandoned mansion."

_Or maybe it's because she wants to bed you, mark you and then call you honey-poo. Has it ever occurred to you maybe that's the reason? Will you not just—_

"Though, I can't quite understand one thing. Why would Asuka just give **me **a thank-you present and not give one to you or Hayato?"

—_die already?_

My heart stops and it takes my mind a short while to comprehend what he just said. My unrestrained bitterness vanishes into thin air as Juudai peers at me with curious brown eyes. "You think she forgot or something, Shou?"

I frown and bite the inside of my cheeks. I don't know if Juudai is just putting up the innocent act to trick me into making myself look like a fool again or if he's honestly clueless about the entire situation. He doesn't seem the type to cruelly mock people, but then again he is a jokester and most jokesters never realize when they go too far until the damage has been done…

"Shou?"

I take another look of his naive look and guilt stings my side. This is bizarre. I hate my best friend because the crush of my life yearns after him, yet he still doesn't have a clue and I hate him for not having that clue. If this is what they call a love triangle, I don't think I'll ever understand it.

"…if I tell you, promise me you won't…" —I swallow, suddenly wishing I attended dinner tonight— "…_laugh_, ok?" I finally manage to say, my voice wary with stress.

I'm tired of hating the only person who actually cares about me. I'm tired of my mind twisting and transforming him into some evil demon girl-snatcher when I can't even gather the courage to ask him the real truth.

Juudai blinks again, completely oblivious to all the tension in the air. "Of course! I would never laugh if this really means something to you."

His words comfort me. '_If this really means something to you,' _he says.

Not, _'I would never laugh at you'_ because he has laughed at me many times before, though in a friendly, playful way where my happiness didn't depend on it.

Not, '_I swear I won't laugh'_ because swearing is promised only out of sheer excitement by people who merely want to hear the greedy little secret so they can gossip it to their neighbors.

'_If this really means something to you.'_

Yeah, Juudai, this does mean something to me. It means a lot to me and I hope you're not to dense to see it because I'm standing right in front of you—spilling my heart out.

He continues to gaze at me, patiently, not minding the fact that I've been silent for the past few minutes, absorbed in my own thoughts. I snap out of my reflections and look at him, swallowing. "…it's because…um…she likes you," I admit.

Juudai's reaction is completely unexpected. I had anticipated him to laugh it of and call me lame like he did with the whole 'we were in Ancient Egypt' idea of mine. But instead, he merely gives me a blank look. "…likes…me?" he repeats mechanically.

His clueless look suddenly irks me beyond measures. Why is this guy so _dense_? Doesn't he realize how _lucky_ he is and how many people would _love_ to be in his shoes? Adrenaline rushes through me and my fists clench together as I close my eyes tightly.

"Oh, darn it, Aniki!" I yell stubbornly. "Don't **tell me **you don't notice the way she stares at you with googly eyes every single time you duel!"

A pause of silence. I'm still quivering in agitation and my entire face must be a nice shade of tomato red by now—I mean I never raise my voice at people. I crack open a single eye cautiously. Is he mad at me for yelling at him like that?

…

Juudai looks at me as if I've suddenly sprouted three heads, his expression unreadable. After a few seconds of uncomfortable stillness, he finally opens his mouth.

"…Shou," he beings slowly. "You know the only reason why I win duels is because I concentrate really hard, right?"

I lower my fists and relax a bit—Juudai isn't mad after all. I nod slightly at him but can't see where he's getting at. He continues, unfazed.

"I mean, if Asuka is actually staring at me at every duel like you say, I wouldn't really notice it because I'm just focusing on my opponent's next move."

His tone is so lighthearted and jocular that I have a hard time believing that he would lie. I shake my head to erase all doubts in my mind. Juudai's my best friend! He wouldn't lie to me no matter what.

I peer at him over my glasses, shame written all over my face for all those times of being jealous of his success. Of course. He's everything he is today because of his own hard work. I chew my bottom lip uncomfortably and try to break this gap of awkward silence.

"So, do you notice the crowds of people in the background?"

Juudai shakes his head. "Well, no," he admits sheepishly. "I'm really not conscious to anything around me when I'm in a middle of a duel." I watch as he closes his eyes and scratches his face with a finger. "Except for maybe you…"

Ah, of course, typical Juudai. He's so absorbed in his duel that—

—wait a minute.

…

I nearly fall to the ground. "ME?"

Juudai blinks a bit before throwing all uncertainty out the window. He laughs playfully and clasps his hand on my back. "Of course, you! That's what I said, right?"

I grasp onto the bed post and try to regain my composure but fail horribly. His words had shaken me so. In some sort of way, he chose…me…over Asuka? The beautiful and popular Asuka?

Suddenly, this emotion I never experienced before soars in my heart and I'm lost to its inexplicable meaning. My breathing starts to get shallow, my palms sweaty and butterflies begin to flutter in my stomach. It feels like somebody just punched me in the gut. This is absurd. What's happening to me?

"But—I mean—_why_?" I sputter.

Juudai smiles, his tone light yet sincere. "Well, you're always cheering me on and pushing me to win."

Hope leaps for a moment before it's pushed viciously down by reality. I cast my eyes down at the floor shamefacedly. "…you know…Asuka cheers for you as well. And she does it louder than me."

For the first time today, Juudai frowns. "Oh, don't tell me you're still bummed about that," he says disapprovingly.

Noticing my still doubtful look, he grasps me by the shoulder and looks at me straight in the eyes. His brown orbs pierce into my own gray ones. I swallow uncomfortably.

"Shou, listen to me—**LISTEN** to me." He shakes my shoulder a bit when I try to look away. I don't understand this feeling. Why can't I look straight at him in the eye?

Juudai looks serious for once. "I'm telling you, Asuka doesn't like me!"

Before I'm able to lay down a twenty-minute detailed list of every single hint and indication that Asuka does INDEED like him, Juudai drapes his arm over my shoulder. My cheeks heat up as his body draws close to me and his warmth radiates off his skin onto my own. He covers his mouth with a cupped hand.

"And secretly between you and me—I think Asuka likes that guy she always talks to with the dark blue hair," he whispers. "You know the one in the Obelisk dorm?"

For a moment, I forget that Juudai is mere inches away from my body and instead, try to recall all those times I saw Asuka with another person. _Blue hair…blue hair…Obelisk dorm…talks to…?_

Realization dawns upon me. The butterflies flap away as my stomach transforms into a hard knot. The feeling is gone and replaced by another one. Dread.

"…RYOU? MY **BROTHER**?"

My hyperventilating outburst grants me another blank stare from Juudai who draws back. He puts on his clueless mask again and points an inquisitive finger at my chest.

"You have a brother?"

I nod dazedly in response.

His expression clears up and he flashes his famous grin. "Really? What's his name? Can I meet him? Is he a good duelist? Is he in our dorm?"

I slap my forehead. By now, I'm on the verge of crying—

—half because of the freshly dug-up knowledge that my crush may actually yearn after my poker-faced older brother—

—the other half coming from the fact I have a bumbling, ham-fisted **nimrod **for a best friend. I stand corrected, God, I don't want to be like Juudai any longer.

I jump up and down in front of him and wave my arms around like a flag. "YUUKI JUUDAI! Do you have a brain?" I shout loudly.

He doesn't look the least bit offended and instead, smirks and places a hand on his hip. "Well, I wouldn't be standing here, talking to you if I didn't, Shou, old buddy."

I plant myself onto the bottom of the two bunk beds and cross my arms, pouting and grumbling. "Sometimes I wonder why I don't just hit you over the head and stuff you underneath the table to rot." I shoot him a glare.

Unknowingly, I feel arms encircle my shoulders and then Juudai's face press hotly onto my left cheek. His affection completely throws me off guard, but not nearly as much as what he says next. "Because you looooove me too much," he says in a sing-song voice.

My heart stops at what he just said. My lips silently repeat one word.

_Love?_

"And who else would you have to hug and sprout off your waterworks to? Not everybody's huggable as me!"

Stunned. Shock. Faint.

Juudai winks at me, a motion that no girl has ever done before. "Now, enough looking sad, Shou. You're so much more beautiful when you smile!"

His words hit me like a heavy stone and suddenly that strange feeling from before grasps me numb again. I gape at him, my jaw wide open. "A-aniki?"

He ignores my stuttering and instead, snaps his fingers as if in inspiration. "I know what will cheer you up" —he closes his eyes and smiles— "a good duel!"

Before I'm able to protest, Juudai jumps up from the bunk bed and scrambles to the door.

"Wait here, ok? I'm just going to check with Daitokuji-sensei if we can use the Obelisk Blue arena." Juudai grins and flashes a peace sign. "Who knows? Maybe we'll run into your brother or Asuka and I'll **PROVE **she has no interest in me—"

I choke on my words. "—h-hey, wait, Aniki—"

But Juudai disregards the panic-stricken expression on my face. "—and if Hayato comes back from dinner then tell him we're down at the arena and that he can join us anytime!" he states cheerfully. "Be back in a second!"

I watch, completely powerless to stop the crazed boy as he flicks a wave in my direction and dashes out the entrance. The door slams shut behind me. I frown and feel annoyance creeping up my veins. This is ridiculous. The least he could have done was to stop for a moment and ask me whether or not I wanted to duel. Honestly, what am I…his sidekick lapdog?

Sighing for what had to be the fifth time that night; I turn my head left and look outside the dorm window. The sky is clear. The clouds are gone.

Yet, the moon still shines so brightly…

Silence echoes throughout the room and suddenly, I feel so lonely all over again. My anger towards Juudai quickly fades away and I want call his name, hoping that he'll hear me and return to fill up this empty gap of space.

"Aniki."

…

No response.

…

"ANIKI!"

Groaning, I flop back onto the bed and stare the downside of the wooden frame of the bed above me. What's happening to me? I stroke my fingers over my face from the place where Juudai's cheek had contacted before. His touch still lingers on my skin. I stare at my empty hand and suddenly, I realize the pain from my unrequited love for Asuka has all but disappeared during the ten minutes I've spent with my best friend.

No. Juudai is _more_ than my best friend. Suddenly, everything pieces together.

I think…I'm in…

…I'm in…

Love.

Quickly, I scrape the cursed word of my tongue. Ridiculous! I'm a boy and I can't just go around loving other boys. That's completely immoral and wrong. What would others say? What would _Ryou _say?

I'll be shunned by my classmates even more, not to mention lose the faith of the only person who wants to talk to me, had I told him my affections. I shake my head to clear such miserable thoughts.

If that's the case, then I just won't tell him. That'll work. It's still not definite after all, right? I'm still a young teenager and it's possible that it's just my hormones speaking or that this weird feeling towards Juudai is just a sign of a tight-knitted friendship. Right?

…right?

I fall back onto the bed and loosely drape the white sheet around my body so that it covers most of my torso. I **really** do not need this kind of internal pressure right now. There's a major huge exam tomorrow that could end my dueling career forever, I haven't eaten dinner yet, my older brother ignores my existence, one of my teachers want to mar me, and it looks as if I've fallen in love with my best friend.

Wondrous.

—no, no, scratch the last one. I didn't fall in love with my best friend. It's just some stupid unidentifiable emotion that I'll probably need to see to academia's psychiatrist to sort out. But whatever it is, it's not love. I'm sure of it. It's not love…it's not love…

"Don't come back Aniki…" I groan to the empty room. "Go trip in the hallway and die, ok?"

I resist the urge to get up and slap myself in the face. Shame. I can't believe I'm thinking so negatively about Juudai again. He's still my best friend no matter what, standing up for me and cheering my mood when nobody else could…and look at the way I think about him! How come I can never be fully happy around him?

Suddenly, quick footsteps approach and my heart drops lower. "Shou! I'm back!" echoes a voice I want to never hear again.

I warily sit up on the mattress and look back at the window again. Dark clouds now shield the moon's silvery orb.

I close my eyes.

"…I wish you weren't."


End file.
